You're Not What He Made You
by SummerChick18
Summary: A Kensi/Deeks undercover operation with a little humor, drama, friendship, romance, trust, comfort and everything else in the middle. Kensi opens up to Deeks about her past and how her whole world changed overnight. First fanfic so be nice please!
1. Chapter 1

**Bugged**

**A/N: This is my first fanfic and I would love feedback but no put downs please. This is like my version of 'Neighbourhood Watch' but with the same house and neighbours, just a different investigation that has the potential to last a while.**

**Title: You're Not Who He Made You**

**Chapter: 1**

**Rating: T a little bit of sexual references in this chapter but nothing too bad.**

**Summary: A Kensi/Deeks undercover operation with a little humor, drama, friendship, romance, trust, comfort and everything else in the middle. Kensi opens up to Deeks about her past and how her whole world changed overnight. First fanfic so be nice please.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters :'(**

"It has been said that, 'time heals all wounds,' however I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never truly gone." –Unknown

Deeks loves being undercover, hell being undercover is pretty much his life and he is damn good at it.

What he loves more is who he is undercover with, the only one he lets make fun of him without even blinking an eye, the only one he lets eat the last of his ice-cream and the only one who makes him feel so wanted while being nasty.

And who is this wonderful person? His princess, Kensi, although every time he calls her that he cops a punch in the guts, but hey, it's worth it to see the slight smile that forms on her perfect lips right before the hit she gives him.

It has been 3 days and 8 hours since the start of the undercover operation and Deeks is loving it, (except for the fact that Kensi is making Deeks sleep on the couch every night). How could he not when he gets to have his gorgeous partner as a wife?

Kensi however is hating it with a passion. Not the whole sharing a house with Deeks, that part is fine -not that she would ever tell Deeks that- it's the fact that she has to be a model. Not just any model, a Victoria secret model, she has the body and features right just not the attitude. In Kensi's opinion most models are girly and get everything they want when they hold out there hand.

They're investigating the suspicious deaths of six marines, all the evidence led to the same people in the same neighbourhood. So what better way to figure out who it is then to put some eyes in the neighbourhood.

Kensi is playing the role of Nicole Hastings the trophy wife of Josh Hastings who is being taken on by Deeks. Josh Hastings is a high up lawyer whose only concern is money and loves showing off his beautiful wife, he is a little OCD and is always cleaning and looking tidy.

**Day 3, 18:00**

Kensi comes home from her evening run a.k.a quick check of the neighbourhood to a spotless house as always because Deeks disguises looking for bugs and camera's as cleaning. It's when she walks into the kitchen and is met by Deeks strong arms she knows something's up.

"When I went to OPS before and you were out getting to know more of the neighbours, someone put a camera in all of the lights and a listening device on a surface in every room except the bathroom. So from now on I am Josh and you are Nicole. I say someone was suspicious about us." Deeks whispered quietly into Kensi's ear, without waiting for an answer he quickly pulled away and pecked her on the lips softly.

Kensi stood speechless.

"I'm off for a shower, honey, care to join me?" Kensi announced after a minute needing to talk to him about the new information. She then turned and walked up the stairs.

Deeks grinned and immediately run after her catching up quickly. She giggled when his arms wrapped around her from behind, shimmering her into the bathroom where he closed the door behind her.

"I never thought I would hear you say those words, but I'm not complaining and was that a giggle?" Deeks said letting her go as soon as they were secured in the bathroom.

"Don't get used to it." Kensi walked over to the shower and turned it on before walking back over to Deeks.

"Oh princess, I think I already have." Deeks was still grinning which added to the frustration of Kensi.

"Call me princess one more time and I swear I _will_ kill you with _this _bobby pin! Now are you sure they only popped up today?"

Deeks smirked at her threat knowing she secretly loved the nickname before he answered her, "yes I have been doing daily checks, now we really have to up our game. That also means I get to sleep in the bed instead of the awful couch."

"Fine, but I'm on the right side and I will snap your delicate little neck for fiddley fingers. Alright?"

"But there is a camera and a mic in there, how are we going to get around the…um… physical aspects of the relationship as a married couple?" Trust Deeks to ask something like that.

"I don't know, you said the camera was in the light right? So we could just like put on a scene and then before anything exciting happens just turn off the light. For the mic just throw a piece of clothing on it. Now out! I have to shower." Kensi shooed at Deeks but he remained standing where he was.

"But princess I was supposed to join you remember? If I walk out now it might look sus." He looked at her with that lopsided smile that always made her stomach dance. She sighed loudly throwing her hands up in the air.

"You're impossible and you are _not_ showering with me so turn around and wait until I'm finished then you can wet your hair and make it look like you showered."

**15 minutes later**

"Deeks towel," Kensi called sticking her head out of the shower.

He turned around and stared at her already imagining her naked in the same room as him and decided to have some fun with it.

"Nope. Sorry, I can't reach."

"What do you mean? It's right there."

"Well it's not my fault you forgot to take it over there with you, and you _did _tell me to stand here so I guess I can't get it for you."

Kensi scowled at him but he ignored it smiling.

"You could just get it. It's only 2 meters away." He continued.

"Deeks.." She said in a warning tone which only caused him to smile wider. "You're naked you can't do anything to me."

"Fine, what will make you get it?" She asked desperately, knowing that he had the upper hand and that wasn't going to change unless she gave in.

"A back massage" he stated, proud of his bribe.

"But…Fine! Now give me my towel!" She snapped, rolling her eyes. Deeks gladly handed her the towel and as soon as she was out he quickly walked behind her and dunked his head under the water briefly and turned off the taps.

Once out, he instructed Kensi to turn around so he could take off his clothes and wrap a towel around his waist.

He then followed her out into their. He was shocked when she spun around and pushed him onto the bed and instructed for him to lay on his stomach. Following her orders he lay down flat and rested his head on his arms on top of the pillow. As he felt the weight of her on him he let out a small gasp which didn't get pass Kensi, she just smirked and continued until she was happily sat on his butt, still in her towel. Leaning forward she began rubbing and squeezing Deeks' shoulders and muscles.

Kensi shuddered when she heard him groan in pleasure, but continued anyway ignoring what the sounds he was making were doing to her. Deciding this was enough and it was time to put on a show for the cameras. She lent down so that her front was pressed against Deeks' back and started kissing his neck slowly before sucking on his ear.

Deeks let out a deep throaty sound before turning so him and Kensi were face to face and then he kissed her letting his hand drift down to cup her butt. In return she bit his lip warning him to remove his hand. He just smiled against her lips and reached up to flick the light switch. After the light was off he pulled his towel off and covered the bed post where the listening device was.

After they were clear Kensi got up and grabbed the clothes she had set out and quickly changed. Although, it did take a little longer than normal probably because it was pitch black and she couldn't see. She was a little bit -dare she say it- embarrassed at the pleasure she got from kissing her partner. Deeks couldn't stop thinking about how delicious her lips were and if he could he would kiss her all night.

Once in bed comfortably, they said a quiet goodnight, cautious because the towel might not have stopped all sound and both drifted off to sleep. Somehow during the night they both ended up in the middle of the bed, Kensi's back pressed to Deeks' chest with his arm snuggly around her waist and his face nuzzled in the back of her neck and hair. It was safe to say that it was the best sleep either of them got for months.

**So that's a wrap on the first chapter! Tell me what ya think! I accept constructive criticism but if you have something horrible to say, please keep it to yourself. Thanks for reading next chapter should be up in about 1 week, give or take a few days.**

**-Meaghan xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Similarities **

**A/N: Thanks to all those who reviewed, followed etc. I was really worried you wouldn't like it so I was pleasantly surprised! Anyway this chapter is the one that starts the actual storyline about Kensi's past and leads up to the more horrorish (I don't think this is actually a word) side of the story. Also from now on my chapters will be a lot longer too so I hope you enjoy it! Oh and I made up the name Mackenzie Grigory.**

**Title: You're Not Who He Made You**

**Chapter: 2**

**Rating: T **

**Summary of this chapter: Kensi and Deeks attend a neighbour's pool party when someone comments on how much 'Nicole' (Kensi) looks like Mackenzie Grigory, a girl who mysteriously died in a bomb ten years ago. Deeks get suspicious when Kensi reacts strangely to the comment and the person who made the comment.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the show or these characters…if only **

**9:57am the next morning**

Well so waking up was a little awkward. Kensi was sprawled out across the bed, which was no surprise considering she had woken up in the same position since the op had started. What was surprising however, was who she was sprawled out on. Deeks. Of course. Urg!

"Deeks! Wake UP! Your hand is on my boob!" Kensi whispered pushing at Deeks chest while squirming out of his hold. "Stupid… Friggin… I specifically said no fiddly fingers! So what does he do?" She continued to mutter to herself as she got out of the bed and was about to throw a cushion at him when she remembered that the camera in the light would be able to catch it seeing as it was morning. _Better figure out a way to disable that._ She thought to herself.

Sighing she went back over the bed and lent down to stick the tip of her pinkie in Deeks left nostril. After a few seconds of wiggling it around Deeks slowly awoke from his slumber, "Mmm… what time is it? And what are you doing?"

"Time to get up! Move it." She replied with an evil smile walking into the walk-in closet.

"That was really an answer but I'll take it and you didn't answer my second question." He called after her, slowly arising from the bed.

"How else was I supposed to wake you up?"

"Well I could think of a few pleasurable ways you could try in the future." He followed her into the giant closet, which was also a room that wasn't bugged.

"In your dreams, Shaggy!" She threw back at him not bothering to turn around to face him, "all the time, princess."

"Gross. Oh and what did I say about fiddly fingers?" This time she turned around to face him arms crossed over her chest. Deeks held his hands up in defence with his eyebrows raised.

"Well first of all that was completely unintentional and second if you're gonna sleep like a starfish –on top of me I might add - snoring in my ear I think I would be worthy of a little something to get me through the night without waking up wanting to jump off a cliff."

"I do _not_ snore!" Kensi took a step closer pointing a finger in his direction.

Deeks just chuckled and replied, "ok you can tell yourself that if it makes you feel better. But from my experience last night you snore like a drunken sailor with emphysema." With that he turned on his heel and walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"Why did you wake me up anyway?" It was barley understandable due to the fact that he had a mouth full of toothpaste.

"I thought I told you the couple in the house with the red roof down the street with the 20 year old daughter Hayley who still lives at home. Anyway they are having a pool party and we are invited." That's when Kensi emerged from the closet in a white bikini only covered by a tiny see through black summer dress. Deeks mouth –covered in toothpaste- dropped at the sight and he just stood there speechless. Even though Kensi was facing away from him she knew he was staring.

"Stop staring at me it's creepy."

"I'm not star- I just think.. you know that outfit is working for you." He defended but was cut off, "ok quit while you're ahead, now get dressed or whatever, we have to be there in like 20 minutes. I'm pretty sure Sarah said 10:30. I'll be down in the kitchen if you need me."

**10:24am At the Milligan's house**

"Hi. We're glad you could make it! Come over and meet my brother Nick." Sarah greeted both of them politely before dragging both of them towards a tall, lean, brown haired man. Kensi immediately stopped at the sight of the man.

"Princess? Hey, are you alright?" Deeks asked putting an arm around her waist and slightly squeezing reassuringly. This brought Kensi out of her daze and she just nodded nervously.

"Um.. I'm sorry I think I'm about to be sick so I think I might just go home, I'm so sorry." She said nervously her eyebrows furrowed together. But it was too late as soon as she was about to turn around Nick was already walking up to them.

"Hey I'm Nick, nice to meet you." He introduced as he outstretched his hand to greet them. Deeks shook his hand but Kensi just stood there trying not to have a panic attack. _It's ok, it's been seven years, and since the accident you now have a black eye and you had to have your nose reconstructed he won't recognise you. Just act calm and walk away. _She thought to herself, she knew Deeks had sensed something was wrong as soon as she said she needed to go home.

"I'm sorry guys but Nicole here isn't feeling well. Morning sickness." Kensi immediately turned to look at him in surprise.

"Oh, congratulations. Well we better not keep you then, I know what it's like. Maybe next time you could stay. Be sure to rest well and keep eating." Sarah said rubbing Kensi's arm sympathetically. She then turned and walked back over to the party.

"What was that about?" Deeks looked down at Kensi with concern filled eyes.

"Nothing. I just really wanna go home." She was already scurrying back towards the house at a speed that made Deeks jog to catch up to her.

When they got back to the house Kensi immediately went to the stairs but was stopped by Deeks' grasp. Shrugging it away, she turned to face him but still didn't look into his eyes. Seeing Nick brought back terrifying memories. Memories she wasn't willing share with anyone.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing, I just want to go lay down. I told you I feel sick." She tried to turn again but Deeks held his grip on her shoulder and brought her in to a hug.

"Ok first, you never admit you're sick it's always a fight to get you to see the doctor and second you were absolutely fine until you saw that Nick dude." Deeks whispered into her ear. The shiver that ran through her body when he said Nick didn't go past Deeks, if anything it made him squeeze her tighter.

"I'm fine, now just let it go!" She responded harshly pulling out of his arms and walking up the stairs ignoring the cameras. Just when Deeks finally thought that he had pulled down her walls he realised that they were only the outside layer. There was still plenty more layers to go.

He just couldn't understand why she acted so…so…scared by this Nick guy. Figuring he should give her some space he sighed and wandered over to the couch to watch some good old TV to get his mind off things. Of course, it didn't help.

**3 hours later 1:40pm**

Kensi had been lying in bed wide awake for what felt like forever, just thinking. She wanted to explain everything to Deeks but she couldn't. She just couldn't. For two main reasons, the first was that she was worried he would treat her different after knowing what she went through, the second was that she just wasn't ready to share her past with him or anyone for that matter. She thought that when she had been free she would never have to be reminded of what her life was like. She was wrong.

Remembering she was undercover and she needed to stop hiding she got up and walked downstairs to find Deeks. Sure enough he was sitting on the couch with his chin resting on his hands and his elbows on his knees watching TV. She sighed quietly to herself and went and sat next to him on the couch, close enough so that their thighs were touching. Deeks didn't even realise she was in the same room until he felt the weight of the couch go down next to him.

"Hey _Nicole_, how do you feel?" Deeks words stung a little, he was clearly annoyed that Kensi wasn't confiding in him which only added to the current guilt she felt. But he quickly regretted it as he saw the slight flash of pain in her eyes.

Kensi forced a smile and answered, "Much better now, although I am hungry."

Deeks chuckled at this. Typical Kensi, eats like an elephant and never puts on any weight.

"Well that's no surprise. You're always hungry."

"Excuse me? What is that supposed to mean?" By then she was already turned so she was facing him with one eyebrow raised.

"Nothing. It means absolutely nothing. What do you want to eat?" Deeks defended getting up and walking towards the kitchen, Kensi in tow.

"I dunno, anything." She walked up behind Deeks and snuck her arms around him from behind, only for their cover. _No other reason._ She thought to herself. Deeks sighed and turned in her arms, wrapping his around her also and resting his chin on the top of her head. He was still annoyed at her but he could see that she was trying.

"I think we should order pizza." Kensi mumbled into Deeks chest after a minute of silence.

"Pizza? Really? It's like 2 o'clock." Kensi just grinned and he could tell she was up to something.

"Well it must just be pregnancy cravings." She said continuing on with his story from earlier. Deeks laughed aloud and shook his head making his way to the phone. Deep down a part of him wished it was true, but he just pushed that tiny part down and ignored it.

**1 hour later**

"That was soooo good!" Kensi moaned leaning back into the couch her hands resting on her belly, "and to top it off I'm going to go run a bath. To Deeks' surprise when she stood up she turned and put her hands out towards Deeks. Obviously wanting him to follow so that they could talk in private. He smiled and latched on to her hand and dragged her up to the stairs.

What surprised him more was when they reached the bedroom she stopped him before kissing him and jumped up into his arms wrapping her legs around his waist. He caught on quickly and kissed her back and walked them into the bathroom where he immediately pulled away and dropped her onto her feet.

"What did you wanna talk about?"

"Huh?"

"Well why else would you lead me up to the bathroom when you specifically said you were going to have a bath?" He just stared at her, not in the mood for playing her games. If she didn't trust him enough to tell him about whatever was bothering her then she would have it her way. He was sick of always chasing after her.

"Oh… um… we really need to find a way to get that camera gone from our bedroom." She turned and walked over to the bath and turned on the taps because the towel from the night before had fallen off of the bed head the listening device was back in order.

"I'll call Eric now. Don't worry I will sit here facing this way until you finish." He announced as he walked over to the basin and sat of the edge so that he was facing the wall.

**10 minutes later**

Without turning around, Deeks explained to Kensi the plan of how to get rid of the camera in their bedroom. "Eric is going to short out the bulb, so we have to change it. The camera in actually inside the bulb so any normal person wouldn't have noticed it."

"You can turn around now I'm covered by bubbles."

Still unsure if he would be able to handle to see his partner in a bathtub or not he slowly turned around to flinched and spun back around. Nope bad idea.

"Uh, yeah I'm just gonna face this way, I think. Yep."

Kensi just chuckled at his response, eyes still closed. She appeared to be relaxed but all she could think about was Nick. What if he recognised her? What if she tells Deeks and he never thinks of her the same? What if he doesn't forgive her for not telling him such a big, horrible part of her life?

About 10 minutes of silence passed before Kensi decided to talk, "I'm sorry." That was it.

Deeks turned around now instantly regretting it. She was covered in bubbles so he couldn't see anything but he could see enough to know that she was naked.

Playing dumb he asked, "For what?" she glared at him before sighing and standing up. She stood up slow enough that Deeks' had enough time to turn around quickly.

"Wow… ok…that just happened."

Kensi ignored him, drying herself, once dressed she walked back out and into the living room. It took Deeks at least 5 minutes to regain himself before he walked out of the bathroom. He found Kensi curled up on the couch watching 'cops' reruns. He had to admit she looked so adorable with her legs curled up underneath her with her head resting on the arm of the couch. He could see that the same thing was bothering her by the worry in her eyes and he felt guilty for being so harsh.

As Deeks sat down next to her he gripped onto her shoulder and guided her down so her head was in his lap and she was tense at first but slowly relaxed as he threaded his fingers through her hair. It wasn't long before he heard her sigh in contentment, looking down he saw that she was already asleep.

She had been asleep for a good 3 hours when she started getting restless. She was having a nightmare. Deeks didn't notice at first because he had fallen asleep too but he did wake up however when she started shaking. Deeks tried to wake her but she kept squirming in his lap, no matter how hard he shook her she just wouldn't wake up and her shaking was become much more intense. His last resort was to lift her up into a sitting position. It worked but she woke with a small squeal and a terrified look on her face, tears in her eyes.

It was in that moment that Deeks felt his heart fall out his butt at the look she had but it was also then that he realised this was much bigger than he thought and sooner rather than later she needed to tell him what the hell was going on.

It was a strange and horrible sight to see Kensi Blye crying in Deeks arms but he held onto her tight without saying anything but reassuring words. At the moment Deeks didn't care about the cameras or anything but his partner. After a few minutes she stopped crying (thank god Deeks didn't know how much more he could take) and looked up at him with sad eyes.

"Come to bed." Well that wasn't what he had expected but he followed without a word.

Once in the bedroom Kensi turned the light off so that the camera didn't pick up anything and went over to the bedhead and crushed the listening device not even caring how suspicious it was to the people who were listening.

She crawled into bed after Deeks and snuggled close so his chest was firm against her back similar to their position last night. Deeks flung an arm around her waist to hold her secure. That's when she spoke, her voice hoarse with emotions.

"I need to tell you something."

**Well that's it for that chapter! Hope you guys enjoy it. Thanks again to those who reviewed, followed and favourited, it means a lot to me considering this is my first fanfiction that I have actually published. I will update within a week!**

**-Meaghan xxxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Truth**

**A/N: Thankyou my lovelies for all of your positive feedback and to though who favourited etc. This chapter took a lot of thinking and planning so I hope you guys like it! It was hard for me to write it though and I don't want you to think I am heartless I would never want this to happen to Kensi I just thought it was best for the story.**

**Title: You're Not Who He Made You**

**Chapter: 3**

**Rating: T maybe M for mentions of rape and suicide nothing graphic or anything though.**

**Summary of this chapter: Kensi admits her past also known as her most worse nightmare to Deeks. When a navy lieutenant is found murdered with the word 'liar' written on her forehead Kensi knows exactly who is responsible.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the show or these characters sadly****. **

_She crawled into bed after Deeks and snuggled close so his chest was firm against her back similar to their position last night. Deeks flung an arm around her waist to hold her secure. That's when she spoke, her voice hoarse with emotions._

_"__I need to tell you something."_

Deeks lay there silently waiting for her to continue, his fingers drawing patterns on her stomach. It was an innocent action that meant a thousand words.

A few minutes later Kensi sighed before she continued, "I know Nick."

"I kinda gathered that, judging by the weird way you acted when you saw him."

"Just shhh.. Just don't interrupt me." She turned slightly in his arms looking at him briefly before turning around again.

"Ok, I'll start from the start. First my name is actually Mackenzie Grigory, I changed my name after the accident... The accident that changed my life. Eleven years ago I was living a normal life, going through dance academy; I had my whole life ahead of me when I got a mysterious email. It had a photo attached; in the photo were me and my best friend Perrie, who was also in the same class as me in dance academy. At first I thought it was a joke until more came through. I told Perrie and we decided to go turn them in when I was attacked and…and raped. He then took me to his house and told me that if I told anyone he would do it again, he then beat me and called me a whore. After the first time I went home and showered at least 10 times, I just felt so _dirty. _I was only 19. After that he forced me to do things for him to get money, he made me sign up and perform these slutty dances in bars and other competitions and if I refused or threatened to go the police he would beat me and rape me again, to 'teach me a lesson' but after I said I didn't care what he did to me anymore he started threatening Perrie and my mum. My dad was already gone and my mum never paid attention to me anyway so she didn't even notice how miserable I was. Also by then Perrie just thought I turned into a slut and thought I was making it all up for attention and wouldn't talk to me but I couldn't let him hurt her so I continued to be his…slave. It got worse when he found out that I could sing. He made me do a few shows, but after 10 months of the same routine I couldn't take it, I tried….and failed to….kill myself.

"That was the worst mistake of my life, after he found out, he found Perrie and dragged her to his house and did all the horrible things he had done to me to her. Even through the guilt I was still glad that for once it wasn't me, and finally, _finally _she felt my pain. Once he left the room, Perrie just kept crying and saying how sorry she was that she didn't believe me, when he heard that and realised I had tried to tell her what he did to me he murdered her in front of me, angry that I had disobeyed him. All I could do was stare down at her wishing it was my life that he had ended.

"After Perrie's murder he knew that there was nothing he could do that would make me continue being his slave so he planted a bomb in my oven to make it look like a cooking accident. He thought I died in the bomb. Everyone did. I was in the shower when it detonated so it didn't affect me as much as it should of.

"It was a start to a new life I changed my name and left it all behind me; first I had to go through therapy and my psychologist, well she was amazed at how one single person could go through that and still come out fighting. It was her that convinced me that someone like me could make a difference in someone's life. It was two years after everything when I started my NCIS training and well, here I am."

She felt like the whole world lifted off her shoulders. The bottle she had kept all of her emotions finally just burst and for the first time in forever she didn't hold back. She was just so sick of hiding everything and not trusting anyone, after all she was human too, much to everyone's disbelief.

Deeks was just in shock, he felt like throwing up. He was hoping she was telling a sick story of someone else. He just couldn't imagine his beautiful ninja assassin so broken and helpless.

After a good twenty minutes of nothing but the small sobs erupting from Kensi's chest she spoke, "Deeks? Say something… Please?"

When he still didn't reply she turned and looked at him. What she saw in his eyes was what she had always been afraid of. Pity. This made Kensi let out a deep groan of frustration from her throat.

"See! This is why I didn't tell you!"

Kensi's words broke Deeks out of his trace.

"What?!" His answering reply was just as broken as hers. "I just… I'm…. I'm shocked. You're so brave and strong and you act like it never happened. I'm so sorry. Wow." Deeks really wasn't sure what to say. It was just so much to take in, he still felt like throwing up. He also was filled with hatred aimed at himself for shaking hands with this monster. But there was one thing he wanted to know.

"Why didn't he recognise you?"

"Just because the bomb didn't kill me doesn't mean it didn't affect me. It burnt my right eye and I had to get my nose reconstructed as well as my cheekbones." She explained with silent tears still forming.

"I'm so sorry."

"Urg! I don't _want_ your pity! I don't want you to look at me like I'll break under the slightest pressure. I don't want to be that weak girl who couldn't even stand up for herself. I watched my best friend be raped and murdered and I didn't even care. He made me into that monster, I watched her cry in pain and I did nothing! NOTHING!" Kensi was full blown crying again now and it broke Deeks' heart.

"You're not what he made you." He said quietly. Kensi just looked at him with sad eyes and lent down into his chest and sobbed harder than before. Deeks felt his eyes go blurry but he knew if she saw him cry it would make her feel worse. So he just held her tight letting her cry until she became exhausted and fell asleep against his chest.

Needless to say he didn't sleep that night.

His mind kept running through everything she had told him. He couldn't help but be a tad bit angry at her for not trusting him enough to tell him earlier. At least the dance academy part or the fact that her name was actually Mackenzie. That small bit of anger was quickly overloaded with more sadness at the thought of an innocent Kensi scared and all alone as the bastard did things to her.

**Deeks' POV**

I had only slept for about three hours before I woke again just to make sure Kensi was still safe in my arms. She was a little restless but it didn't bother me seeing as I was awake anyway.

I was still awake when Kensi woke up but she quickly closed her eyes mimicking sleep when she realised she would have to face me. Her not-so-subtle effort to fake sleep actually made me chuckle softly giving away the fact that I was awake and knew she was too.

Sighing she lifted her head to look at me knowing she had been busted. I could see in her eyes that she didn't regret telling me and was glad that the weight had been lifted off her shoulders but I could also tell that she wasn't prepared to talk about it further today. I could honestly understand that but I had questions to ask, questions that only she could answer. I continued to stare at her unable to stop the horrifying visions of her being tortured out of my mind.

I knew I was looking at her like I felt sorry for her but I couldn't help it I just felt so…

"I knew you would think differently of me. That's why I didn't tell you, it was in my past I've moved on and each day until yesterday I forgot a little more, each day one more memory had faded until I saw him again."

I wanted to hug her but I knew she wouldn't want that, she would just shove me away saying something about how she is fine and she doesn't need me.

"Why isn't he in jail or better… Dead?" I couldn't help but wonder.

"There is no proof. My only witness was Perrie and well she's kinda dead, and they never found her body so…"

Thinking back to how calm and friendly he _looked -_ key word – it made me sick to my stomach. If I had of known what I know now I would've shot him on the spot not even caring who was watching.

We lay there in silence until Kensi's phone buzzed.

"We're needed at OSP, there's something I need to see apparently."

We immediately got up and dressed and headed down the stairs, but once we left the bedroom we were Josh and Nicole. However I couldn't argue because I got to run down the stairs chasing after and wrapping my arms around my princess. My broken princess that continued to put up the brave face even after her break down last night.

**Ops centre 9:36am- (No one's POV)**

Kensi stood there speechless.

She should have known.

How could she not have known?

She was aware of the voices calling her name as she went down but that was all she could remember.

_Nell had brought up the picture of the dead navy lieutenant with the word 'liar' written on her forehead and didn't even have to read out the note that came with it for Kensi to know who had done it. But the note was conformation, she just stood there as Nell had read it out._

_"'__I know your secret. Don't think I will let you get away again, you're gonna end up l like your precious friend and if you're lucky I will bury you next to her. Roses are red, my binoculars are blue, your curtains are open, and I'm watching you.' This was found next to the body addressed with a picture of you Kensi next to it."_

Deeks was the first to react to Kensi falling, immediately bending down to ease her down slowly while calling her name.

The whole team was circled around her within seconds and after about one minute of tapping her cheeks and saying her name she woke confused. It didn't take long until the reality set in and she began hyperventilating, her breath coming heavy and fast. Everyone but Hetty and Deeks were confused as to her reaction and the note because they had no idea about her hidden past.

In the end Deeks got her settled in his arms as she sobbed into his chest quietly. He whispered reassuring words to her softly whilst he stroked her hair.

Hetty gathered the others into the corner and explained to the four what was going on. Sam was speechless, Callen wanted to punch something and Eric and Nell stood there looking as if they were going to be sick.

After five minutes Deeks had Kensi stood up and calmed down although she was still holding onto his arm for support while he had an arm around her back rubbing soft circles. Deeks could visibly see that Kensi was scared, terrified even and he did his best to reassure her. But deep down he knew that there was nothing he could do but find this guy, conquering Kensi's nightmare once and for all and that is what he planned to do.

"Miss Blye and Mr Deeks you operation is being pulled and you will be transferred to a safe house while we figure this whole mess out." Hetty began walking back over to them.

"What? No. I'm helping and I don't need a safe house I know how to look after myself now. Also I'm not backing out of this op. Someone in that neighbourhood killed six marines, I will not let that monster stop me from finding out who did it."

"But Kensi, he knows you will be there. He probably made up an excuse and ended up staying with Sarah just so he could get to you." Sam interrupted.

"Well why didn't he just get me last night instead of going out and killing her?" Kensi pointed to the screen at the current victim. "He wants to toy with me, make me scared. But I'm not going to let him this time. I'm done with his game, he made my life hell once I'm not going to let him do it again." She continued letting go of Deeks fully now.

"Well what do you have planned?" Callen asked with a sigh not liking the idea already.

"I don't know yet. I have a photo shoot with Victoria Secret that I need to get to soon I'll think of something. I'll have Deeks with me so I won't be alone if he comes for me."

Hetty finally agreed letting them go back to their cover house to get ready for the shoot. Deeks wasn't comfortable with the fact that Kensi was acting as if a serial rapist wasn't after her but he didn't bring it up giving her time to think about things. After getting some food they headed to the studio that was roughly and hour away from their cover house which was the destination of the said Victoria Secret photo shoot.

The whole way there was silent with the occasional chit chat about nothing and after the long excruciating hour they arrived. Deeks was a little excited about seeing Kensi in those tiny little underwear sets the models wore not that he would even admit that to Kensi because he actually valued his life and didn't want it to end.

There was also the fact that with everything going on he was angry at himself for even thinking about his partner this way but he also knew that if he didn't then she would notice and say that this is what she meant about him thinking about her differently know that he knew what she had been through.

Ugh this was so complicated.

After running his hand through his hair he cleared his mind and walking into the studio with Kensi ready to be Josh again.

**A/N: This was super hard to write… I hope you guys enjoy it, the next chapter will continue straight on from when they arrive at the studio. The photo shoot was an idea given to me but a lovely reviewer, so ideas and feedback is always welcome! I'll try an update within a week. Also sorry for any mistakes I was really tired when I went over this so I might have missed some typos.**

**-Meaghan xx**


	4. Authors Note

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry this is not an update, I just wanted to know if you have any ideas as to where I should go to from here? I had the whole story planned out but then I decided against what I had planned and I don't know where it should go. **

**So some ideas would be extremely helpful to get me back on my feet! I know I was supposed to update a few days ago but I have a huge case of writers block now that it is getting into the whole dramatic main storyline. So I would greatly appreciate some prompts or any ideas you might have. Thanks and once I'm in the grove again i'll update (hopefully soon)!**

**Thanks for your support :D **

**-Meaghan xx**


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